This is an age-old topic that women have been challenged
with throughout time. In the secular world, it usually brings up a heated
debate over the question, “Can I have it all?” This originates from women’s
desire to work, have the husband, 2.5 children, and be the P.T.A. mom.
The stereotype of this mother is that she still able to volunteer her time,
bake or buy treats for her children, and also care for others throughout the
community. She is bubbly and dependable. Did I mention that these
go-get-it ladies also manage time in their schedule to work out at the
gym? These women are the women who have boundless energy to provide for
all in their care and to still enthusiastically greet their husband, if she has
one, after his long day with a kiss and a smile.
Now, being a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and
Savior, I know that my focus is pleasing, worshipping, and serving him with all
my heart. I know that Matthew 6:33 says “But seek first his kingdom and
his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” In
addition, Luke 10:27 says ‘“Love the Lord
your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength
and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" This, for
me, should be hands down the end of the discussion. Not so fast.
Even as I write this at 3:58 a.m., I have to attend to a coughing, crying
baby. I must stop and care for her and comfort her. I know that we
are saved by grace and not by works. I really do, but how do Christian women
balance ministry and motherhood?
I have been given advice from women of various ages and
cultural backgrounds, but it is not adding up. The contemporary mothers
or rather my work colleagues tell me to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well,
I tried and that left me with a messy place and loads of laundry to do. The
prevailing problem is that they forgot to tell me what to do when the baby does
not sleep. Really, the child was napping for only 30 minutes or so for
months when she was a newborn. Yet, others would tell me to read this
book and that one. I did like one book that was helpful. However,
the challenge is when to read. The Old school mothers (my mom and her
friends) tell me to get all my responsibilities done during nap times or at
night after the baby is sleep. This sounds reasonable. Did I mention that I
work at a job all day that also requires that I take home more work to do at
home? Then, my Christian mothers just say, “Put God first. Have a quiet
time, study the word, and lay everything out at night so that the morning runs
smoother. Have a routine.” Who can argue with this advice? Again,
it puts God first, it’s logical, and while I was listening to it, I began to
smile. This was it!
Only if it was that simple. In my need to quiet a colicky
baby for hours, I was struggling to prop my eyelids open. I would be so
exhausted after she finally went to sleep, that I would collapse from
exhaustion and wake up early in the morning panicking because I still had to do
work and had not had a quiet time with the Lord. My quiet times during
the first three months were like, “Lord, help me! Lord, have mercy on me!
Lord, please let me sleep!” Now, I was still trying to attend church,
hear the Word, and take part in serving God through my previous
ministries-ministries I knew were important to building the kingdom and
creating disciples. I found myself juggling work, worship, and
child. It was not pretty. I was cranky at my work because of my
sleep deprived nights, I could not focus on the Word in church because I was
bouncing the baby and trying to keep her from crying during service, I missed
meetings to one of the ministries I was involved in and was often late to the
other ministry, and I was lugging this poor baby around with me trying to complete
errands when all she wanted to do was play. I then began feeling
guilty. I was falling apart by adding doctor appointments, grocery
shopping, and still trying to make an appearance and the gym so they would not
post my picture with the caption, “Have you seen this woman?” What made
it worse were the friends, colleagues, and church members who would say the
following: “We’re getting together after work, you’re coming, right?” or “We
missed you at the gym today.” Or “I did not see you at service.” Whether
these individuals meant it to sound obnoxious or not, that is how I felt.
Then, I had an epiphany, an eye opener. I just admitted to myself and to
God that I cannot do it all. In my zeal to become this outstanding woman
of God, I had become a Martha running around trying to prove that I could
handle it all and still be my former self. In the mix, I had some ungodly
thoughts about the individuals who said those comments to me. Moreover, I was
losing my relationship with Christ and for what? Philippians 4:13 says, “I can
do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (KJV) I had gotten away from
Christ’s strength and was trying to operate under my strength. It simply
did not work.
The baby is now eight months old so some of the old challenges are over and
some new ones have begun. The new
challenges are picking up a sick child from daycare and having to leave work,
the infamous grocery store trips and having to be alert making sure baby does
not put additional items into the cart, and the mini-tantrums where little feet
kick rapid-fire style in the carrier in protest to some Mommy injustice I have
enforced. Ultimately, some things have not changed such as church service
where I barely know what is preached because I am trying to keep the baby quiet
and entertained, and having to bring her with me to fulfill church duties in my
ministry. However, I do make a
quiet time to study the word and pray each day. I am just more
creative. I pray more
frequent short prayers now. I pray when waking up, I pray in the
bathroom, I pray while driving, and I pray silently at work. I sleep now as
well-for the most part.
As a single mother with limited
income, the conflict is how do I serve God and take care of the child, home,
and job that he has blessed me with? My answer is simply this-through
faith and acceptance. With faith, there is nothing to fear. 1 Chronicles 28:20 says, “…Be strong and
courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God,
my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for
the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.”
Remember, we are God’s
temple. His spirit lives inside of us. We are constantly under
construction. Think about how you want to serve him and about the types of
examples you want to set for your children. Accept that we cannot do
everything. Streamline and prioritize. It is sometimes painful to accept
this, especially if you have a Type A personality like me. Moreover, and
please do not slap me when I say this, put God first.
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